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SUNDAY May 5th, 2019
Game day. VVV v N.E.C.
Mathijssen, VVV’s manager, told a reporter yesterday that he thinks I’m one of football’s finest and is keen to congratulate me on a well-deserved Dutch Cup win. And no, I didn’t write his lines for him. VVV were in 16th place before the game. If I let them win, they’d be a point away from escaping a relegation playoff. And most of my guys were still hung over. I was still hungover. Possibly still drunk. If they deserved to stay up, they’d have to beat my backups. I even had two Australians in the starting lineup, so you know I wasn’t trying to win.
Alcohol poisoning didn’t seem to have any effect on Christian Santos as he scored a brace in two minutes starting with the 18th. In fact, the whole team decided to take on the challenge of being labeled backups. We won 4-1 and Christian walked away with the man of the match. I took the opportunity to open up another bottle of wine to help with the hangover.
We won the Dutch Cup. It’s still sinking in. What a week! I could get used to this winning trophies thing.
SUNDAY May 12th, 2019.
Game day. N.E.C. v Excelsior.
Van der Vaart’s last game with us. His last game with anyone. He scored with less than ten minutes to go and I subbed him off so the crowd could cheer him for seven minutes straight. What a dream retirement! The things I do for my players.
It was also Van der Heijden’s 100th league match for us today. What a champ. Anyway, we won 2-0 to finish out an incredible season. Our 72 points got us third position this year. It would have won us the league in the last three seasons. But somehow Ajax had a season from the gods. They only lost one game. Their performance dragged Feyenoord up as well. So, it’s hard to be upset with this season. Dutch Cup winners and third place (usually first) in the league.
VVV ended up in the relegation playoff positions, one point away from safety. As predicted, they had their own destiny in their hands when they played us. If you can’t beat our second team, you probably don’t deserve to be in the league. Although, that’s probably a bit harsh. There are numerous teams in the league that can’t beat our backups.
MONDAY May 13th, 2019
Awards night! Breno got a double gong for Fans’ Player and Young Player. Ayoub was signing of the season. Duh. Diarra got the goal of the season. It was also quite satisfactory to see Christian Santos come second in the Fans’ poll. The fans can see what I see.
My assistant manager, Toon Gerrits, told me that he was really impressed with the improvement over the course of the season of Arno Joosten and the two Australians, Fogerty and Sekulovski. This is good news. Joosten is a local boy and it would be great to see him lift the Champions League trophy as captain in a few years. The Australians .. well they’ll make us some good money when we sell them.
Gerrits is quite possibly on his way out of the club. After his ridiculous handling of the friendly in January, I started looking for replacements. Unfortunately, there aren’t many to choose from. He’s got a couple of weeks left on his contract, so I’ll have to get my head down and hunt.
We had an average of just over 15,000 fans at home games this season. That has been enough to convince the board that they need to expand the stadium. Again. There’s no way they could have expected hiring me would turn out to be such an inspired move. They should have, but I don’t expect everyone to have the same kind of visionary talents as myself.
TUESDAY May 14th, 2019
One of my scouts finally gave me someone to look at who is both affordable and talented. He’s Danish and his name is Lasse Skov. His beard would make a viking tremble and he can play in defensive midfield, centre back, or right back. Just my kind of guy. And he’s 19. No way could I have developed that kind of facial hair at 19, but it’s more scary than impressive.
SUNDAY May 19th, 2019
Our financial report came in today. We had considerably less money come in from competition prize money, which I assume is because we didn’t get as far in the Europa League. Our sponsorships and match day income improved only slightly, which is a bit of a disappointment, but I’m sure as people start to properly realise how good I am those things will go up.
Diarra sold the most shirts this season. Beating out Nagasawa is pretty impressive, so maybe I’ll give Souleymane a tip. I wonder if the shop sells Belmondo shirts. I should have a word with the marketing director.
THURSDAY May 23rd, 2019
I’ve signed an American! Finally, we’ll have someone I can confide in around this place. His name is Gedion Zelalem, so I’ll obviously have to come up with a nickname for him. He’s an advanced playmaker at heart. I signed him for nothing as his contract was up at Arsenal. That’s not to say he’s been playing at Arsenal. He’s been on loan the last four seasons in five different countries. He’ll obviously be bringing lots of experience to the club despite being only 22 years old. I can’t wait! He’s even played for the U.S. seventeen times.
SATURDAY May 25th, 2019
We led the league in passing percentage (80%), crossing completion (18%), goals from corners (12), and average possession (55.74%). Third in goals scored (66) behind Ajax and Feyenoord, but second in shot accuracy (46%). We somehow made the most fouls (419), but came fifth in most tackles won (73%).
Our individual leaders were pretty impressive too. Vela and Jackson were the best at hitting the target (64% and 59%). Yassin Ayoub was the clear #1 in passes completed with 87%. He was a great acquisition. Breno was second in assists with 12. Golla was second in key tackles with 28. On a side note, Golla has been cleared of match fixing charges, which is handy. Breno was also second in average rating. He got 7.75. Ricardo van Rhijn basically won every category that Breno came second in and then some. He’s a right back for Ajax and gives something for Breno to aim for next season.
TUESDAY May 28th, 2019
I’ve had to cast my vote for Manager of the Year. Once again, I wasn’t allowed to vote for myself. I gave my first vote to my friend, Erwin van de Looi. Naturally, I’m sure I won’t make it in the top three yet again.
WEDNESDAY May 29th, 2019
Mark Uth was the top scorer in Europa League and we were the top scoring team. Of all time. You know, just the highest scoring team in the history of the tournament. Ever. No big deal.
I made an offer to a new assistant manager. He’s going to get back to me, but I think he’s a step up from Gerrits. He’s a Frenchman by the name of Olivier Guégan. He’s an ex-player with a knack for coaching. That will be helpful as Gerrits was a bit useless on the training pitch. Here’s hoping he makes the right decision. I can only imagine how much his career will benefit from assisting me.
FRIDAY May 31st, 2019
Another free signing. This time it’s Spaniard, Pablo Perez. He’s another attacking midfielder in the Diarra role. I think it’s likely one of the current list will be sold this summer, so bringing in two new ones for free is a profitable venture. The best of today’s news: Perez said he was only signing because he was so impressed with my ambition. Finally! I’m attracting players by the power of my reputation. This next season is going to be when I finally achieve my destiny!