Belmondo Diary

Belmondo Diary July 2017

Matt takes us through the happenings of July 2017. If you like this story then give him a follow on Twitter @MattLangdon73

SATURDAY July 1st, 2017

Felix Kroos just signed for Frankfurt because my transfer budget still doesn’t exist. My bid was accepted and he agreed to to a contract, but I had to cancel the transfer due to a lack of funds. This is fun.

SUNDAY July 2nd, 2017

Lerin Duarte just signed for Groningen because my transfer budget still doesn’t exist. My bid was accepted and he agreed to to a contract, but I had to cancel the transfer due to a lack of funds. This is fun.

TUESDAY July 4th, 2017

I got a knock on my door while I was eating my customary Fourth of July hot dog to let me know Calvo has moved to Groningen. $625,000 was a pretty good price, I thought. Maybe we can use some of that money to buy a player.

Just kidding. The board haven’t released any of that for me to use.

THURSDAY July 6th, 2017

Dirk Kuyt just signed for AFC Astra because my transfer budget still doesn’t exist. My bid was accepted and he agreed to to a contract, but I had to cancel the transfer due to a lack of funds. This is fun.

FRIDAY July 7th, 2017

The board finally gave me a transfer budget. How many millions do I have to spend? Half. Half a million is what they’ve given me to spend. This is after I gave them a season of playing in Europe, a team that warranted a doubling in sponsorship deals, and Dutch Cup semi final. Half a million. How many amazing players will I be able to bring into the club with that? So many.

SATURDAY July 8th, 2017

I have sold Joey Sleegers. Cue angered fans picketing my front yard. I had to do it. Bournemouth gave us $6 million. I’ll be able to buy some good talent for that. The board basically forced my hand. That’s what I’ll be telling the fans tomorrow morning when I go to pick up my paper. My vandalized mail box may never recover.

In the good news column, Jasper Cillessen has been sold to Juventus. No doubt Ajax has some other genius-level keeper to take his place, but at least they’ll have to downgrade with their backup. Maybe. That club has ridiculous depth.

The board gave me 90% of the Sleegers money, so I bought Breno, my Brazilian right back. He’s really amazing.

MONDAY July 10th, 2017

Christian Santos has been injured. My need for a right winger has now increased to emergency level.

WEDNESDAY July 12th, 2017

Finally, a right-sided attacking player. We’ve welcomed Diego Vela to the club from Ferrol, a lower division club in Spain. He had a great season for them last year and comes straight into the first team. He can also play at right back and central midfield in a pinch. My scout described him as jovial. If there’s anything we need in this locker room, it’s some joviality.

MONDAY July 17th, 2017

Two more central midfielders have joined us and I expect they’ll both start. The first is a multi-capped Algerian with the glorious name of Adlène Guedioura. He was playing in England at Watford, so obviously this is a step up for him. The other player is none other than Rafael van der Vaart. Yes, the man who has played for Ajax, Madrid, Tottenham, Hamburg, and Chamois Niortais FC. That spell in France had to be on a bet, right? Maybe he just wanted to play in five countries. Well, he’s back in the Netherlands now and raring to go. It would be nice if he could help us bowl over Ajax this season.

THURSDAY July 20th, 2017

We’ve been drawn to face Luzern from Switzerland in the first of hopefully many European matches this season. My assistant manager asked how I feel about going to Switzerland in the first leg. I said pretty neutral. Should be easy enough, but one never knows. And I have a lot of new players to gel.

SATURDAY July 22nd, 2017

Our final friendly resulted in a 5-1 win. Hopefully that’s a sign that the tactic is fully understood by the players now. The previous games were a mixed bag with a few draws and losses. On Thursday, we play Luzern, so I’d be happy to see another five goals there.

THURSDAY July 27th, 2017

Game day. Luzern v N.E.C. Europa League Third Qualifying Round, Leg 1.

Dear Joshua Smits, that is not how you keep goal. I thought I’d be happy seeing five goals, but when they’re against you, it’s less gratifying somehow.

It started with Ytalo going wide in the box and simply shooting across Jimmy Smits for a goal in the fourth minute. We got a penalty awarded in the eleventh minute and Djurdjic converted it, so I was a happy chappy. An away goal is always handy.

Ytalo put the ball into exactly the same spot as the first goal, but this time from a central spot just inside the box. Thirty-two minutes and we were down 2-1. Not bad. Oh, but wait. Van de Vaart sent in a free kick with great accuracy and Golla headed it just inside the post. Two away goals is even better. Three home goals beats two away goals, though. Luzern got their third with an unmarked run into the box from a long free kick. Three goals scored in five minutes. The fans were loving it. Or dying from heart attacks like I was. Half time finally came.

The second half started with Ytalo’s hat trick and I just stopped caring. Smits had done that some time before. Perhaps before kickoff. They got their fifth goal just before 90 ticked over on the board. Another amazing lack of effort shown by Smits. He just stood and watched the ball go past him. Maybe he didn’t want to get his knees dirty. Big Aussie Taggart made it 5-3 in the 92nd minute with a broken corner routine in which the players played a bit of pinball before Adam took two steps and nearly broke the net with his right footed shot.

So, now the question is whether we can beat this outfit 2-0 at the Goffert. Not with Smits in goal, I’d suggest.

SATURDAY July 29th, 2017

I just signed a winger who can play on either side, which will be quite helpful with giving a chance to the first teamers to rest. Ludcinio Marengo was at Heracles, so you can imagine how happy he is that I came in for him.

7 thoughts on “Belmondo Diary July 2017”

    1. (Should have also shown me clapping, but comments do not like angle brackets, so using something else.)

      * clap, clap, clap*

  1. Love the Switzerland pun! It’s a shame the board didn’t put their hands in their pockets considering your previous season!

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